In the last post I touched on marriage – the covenant (promise before God) commitment between two people. Despite this biblical ideal marriages, even among Christians, can often end in divorce. In the UK the average length of this 'lifelong commitment' is 11.5 years. [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4200410.stm]
As Christians how do we protect marriage? Perhaps a more personal question is how do we protect our own marriages? I'm not doing a blog on marriage – as an unmarried I don't have the experience to charge into one. However a long lasting Godly marriage is built before the 'I dos'. I have yet to start have a relationship myself but perhaps its wise to think now about what a Godly relationship should look like...
1. Relationships with a Spiritual foundation – Don't marry for butterflies.....
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a women who fears the Lord is to be praised” Proverbs 31v30
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment....Instead is should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quite spirit, which is of great worth in Gods sight” 1 Peter 3v3-4
Marriage is a life long commitment. In a relationship what qualities in your partner you admire. To quote Michael Jackson its often 'the way you make me feel' Anyone who's ever had even a crush on someone will know that 'the gushy stuff' is not consistent. If a marriage is based on that initial chemistry, or the initial 'charm' or the 'way you just clicked' then its not based on a foundation that will last.
In this culture a women's outward beauty are often used in advertisements...aimed at men. Ladies don't swallow the lie that its only the outside that counts. Invest in inner spiritual beauty and seek a man who isn't going to marry you just for your looks which will fade but rather who is attracted to your inner self.
To be clear I'm not saying for a moment that 'chemistry' and physical attraction do not play an important role in a relationship. However if your living a genuine Christian life with Christ at the center then Christ should also be the foundation for your relationships.
2. Relationships within community.....
“As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world” John 17v18
If a marriages has a spiritual foundation then the heart of two people committed to one another is a heart of joint ministry. In serving in the church and as witnesses to the world a married Christian couple is called to service. If two people committed to serving God before marriage suddenly disappear after the 'I dos' it would seem quite strange and hardly the picture of Christ and the Church that marriage should be. (Ephesians 5)
However often in 'going out' people can become missing persons, emerging months later after the relationship has ended to re-integrate into the friendship group. When in a relationship perhaps the best way to get to know someone else is not necessarily a secluded chat but rather a joint ministry. Don't let a relationship become the cause for giving up responsibilities but rather try serving together in the different ministries God has given you. See how you relate together as a couple with other Christians and with each others non-Christian friends. A relationship with a spiritual foundation is a powerful witness.
3. Relationships with a purpose....
In the previous post we looked at how God created marriage to be a picture of the committed relationship between Christ and his people the church. Marriage was Gods design for the expression of emotionally and physically intimate relations with members of the opposite sex.
Broken commitments prepare you for divorce not marriage. If you invest emotionally, physically and spiritually in a relationship you give away apart of yourself. If you enter a relationship without considering marriage an outcome you are stealing from your partners and your own future husband/wife.
As a relationship develops so should a prayerful consideration of whether God is calling you to marriage. If you are unable or unwilling to consider marriage then honour your future husband or wife by waiting on romance.
“Love is patient...” 1 Corinthians 13v4
